It’s harder to be the passenger during change

Being a part of my life hasn’t always been quite the ab fab experience that I’d want for those who accompany me through it.

For example, when the consultant told my wife Sarah and I that I had cancer, the news threatened both of our lives. But Sarah had significantly less opportunity to affect the outcome than I did. She did, though, take every opportunity to go above and beyond the call of duty, including what became the highlight of my week during treatment: watching the colour drain from her face as the woman who gave up medicine when she could no longer avoid her phobia of needles had to pull and clean my stomach tube. In those marriage vows moments, I saw what true love actually looks like, and it’s no expression that Richard Curtis ever captured on film. But Sarah couldn’t do the radiotherapy, and for much of the time she could only watch. And that’s when I realised this:

However hard it is to be the person directly affected by change, it’s harder to be the passenger.

You’re on the same journey, you experience every bump in the road, and yet the driver has the steering wheel and the pedals, and the spotlight is on them. They get to decide whether to fight or give up, to admit or deny, to be open or closed. As the passenger, you have the least control when you need it most.

So have a think about the amount of change that you’re going to go through in your life – at a basic level, will it be more or less than the shedloads you’ve already dealt with? And then add to that a proportion of all the changes that everyone you care about is going to go through too.

You might be asked for relentless amounts of support, or you might be asked for none, and both will affect you. The ONLY proactive thing you can do to prepare for your role as a passenger is to become more adaptable, so you’re mentally ready to turn on a sixpence to catch them, lift them or cradle them when they need it.

I experienced the NHS at its very best and I’m three years clear now. But there’s always a background count of worry ticking away in our minds that it might return. And the more out of control a situation feels, the more acutely anxiety is felt. If the cancer does come back, at least I know that would put me back in the ring to take another swing. Sarah on the other hand would be confined to having a ringside seat (apart from when it would again time for the weekly appearance of superhero TubeWoman...).

Humans are highly social animals. Which means that even change that doesn’t happen to you directly can affect you profoundly. And you wouldn’t have it any other way.

Rich Alderton specialises in raising organisations' Adaptability Intelligence, so why not call us on 07873 823 800, email us or complete our enquiry form to start a conversation?

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