Don’t tell yourself you can’t when you know you can because you already did

'I'm too weak to do this', said Yasmin*, one of the crew rowing with my teenage daughter as I watched them launch in the wake of Storm Ciaran.

The river had flooded, and the girls were standing on the breached river bank nearly up to their knees and in bare feet. I felt the wind, rain and cold they were enduring in order to do a sport notoriously tough on the mind and body. But from my vantage point of being wrapped in four layers under an umbrella, I concluded that Yasmin couldn't have been more wrong.

In my experience as a leadership coach, I've found that most people tend to underestimate their abilities.

Imposter syndrome is rife. And even when they have no option but to step out of their comfort zone to step up to an unavoidable challenge, and prove their worth, they somehow don't believe that it was really them. It must have been an aberration, a one-off.

Imagine, though, if they could believe that this champion of challenges is who they are.

So I have a question for you. What's the most challenging change you've ever faced and come through? The death of someone close, becoming a parent, losing your job, being promoted, etc. Did you ever surprise yourself with what you were capable of? And, crucially, did that permanently change what you thought about yourself?

Here's the thing: we believe the stories we tell ourselves.

Maybe Yasmin's comment was just a cry for support, or an invitation for others to share their self-doubt. Whatever the trigger, what she heard herself say was quite different from what I saw. So the next time you have to deal with change that you think you can't, think back to a time you did, and ask yourself why not again this time? And next time.

*not her real name

Rich Alderton specialises in leadership coaching and in raising Adaptability Intelligence, so why not call us on 07873 823 800, email us or complete our enquiry form to start a conversation?

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